But in all honesty, the title I chose is much more fitting. It came to me in church this past Sunday. You see, on December 1st of last year, the first Sunday of the month, I was in a Calvary Chapel Church in Indianapolis, listening to a sermon on Romans 8. (Or listening as well as I could be when for the first time in my life, I was holding hands with a guy for an extended period of time with no shame).
Then on December 7th of this year, the first Sunday of the month, I was in a Calvary Chapel Church once again listening to a sermon on Romans 8. It seemed a little weird to me, but at the same time that is where the similarities ended.
This second church was in West Des Moines, IA. Instead of sitting next to a new suitor, I was sitting next to my younger sister for the 100th time in my life. And I didn't smile at the sermon, anticipating that one day the man preaching it would be my father-in-law.
So a year ago, is this how I imagined my life in a year? Definitely not! A year ago, I would have imagined myself something like this...
"Hello, my name is Hannah Zahn.
Well at least for now. Someday it will be Hannah Brown. Not the most interesting last name, I am aware, but at least I will be at the beginning of the alphabet instead of the end. I have had over a year now to get used to the idea, and just over a year left before it will become a reality.
I live at home with 13 of my 15 siblings. The other two are married and in college respectively. I am learning as much as I can about home making so that I am semi-ready when I get married. Speaking of that, I should go because I am Skyping my future husband in just a few minutes.
Nice to meet you!"
So my name is still Hannah Zahn, and I still have 15 siblings, and my older sister is actually married. But other than that my life is radically different than the above italics.
The dream of becoming a Brown is no longer there. God showed me He had different plans over 5 months ago. 7 months in that relationship is apparently all He had planned for me.
I no longer live at home, but instead with family friends. I have this incredible job at a cafe, am not in a relationship, see most of my family every weekend, and haven't skyped in months.
The brother I imagined in college as well as the next one in line no longer live at home, due to circumstances that probably made this the worst year of their life. Just as in some ways it was the worst of mine. Circumstances so horrible, I have absolutely no plans to share them with any of my readers, whom I usually share almost everything with.
So where does that leave me now? I had all these dreams and plans, which now lie completely in ruins. It was in many ways the worst year of my life. I never even really talk to the guy I was going to marry. I am in a scenario where I am having to grow up and learn a ton really quickly. But does this leave me depressed and longing after the life I dreamed of?
Nope! In fact, I love my life! I cannot believe all that God has given me, and I am incredibly thankful that my plans for my life don't match up with His. There is so much I have learned, so many times I would not have felt close to the Holy Spirit as I did, and so many wonderful people I would not have met if my plans had panned out. Instead, God knew better.
I wrote to a friend today:
"I cannot believe that I have this life right now. Seriously. I have this job I love, friends at that job, a new tutoring opportunity, live with multiple adorable children who literally adore me(the youngest followed me around this entire morning and snuggled with me when I picked her up), a couple who loves chatting with/teasing me that I get to live with, great food now I don't have to pay for, and a growing relationship with the Holy Spirit. Plus my family is moving to their dream house, and all of the friends I moved away from still want to stay in contact with me. I am literally almost in tears here because of how good God is."
So from one sermon to another, this is now my life. And God is good.
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