Journaling...

I have heard that blogging is supposed to be a type of public journal. I guess that is not exactly how I typically approach it, but I think today will be a little different.

Being in a relationship* is such a new territory for me. There is so much to learn, and to do, and to pray about. But at the same time, there is also a set future for me, and thus I can focus more on this time that I have where I am still single.

"And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord."     -1 Corinthians 7:34-35

I have tried to spend the last few years taking advantage of this time of being single to grow closer to God, and to prepare for my future husband, as I hope I have laid out in this blog. I have practiced everything from holding my tongue, to changing oil in a car, to making apple pies, to purposeful time in the His Word in order to one day prepare for marriage, motherhood, and homemaking. But now that I am actually looking forward to a specific future, it is easy to see all of the things that I still have to learn.

I admit that I have gotten overwhelmed by this. I have gotten only a glimpse of all that is entailed in being a wife, and it causes me to take a step back and go "Wow, that's a lot of work." I have started to realize all the different ways that I need to get to know Kyle* in order to be the kind of helpmeet that he needs and will need. I have recognized all of the things I have yet to learn around the home and with finances. I have realized all of the myriads of ways that Kyle will need daily and steady prayer. And looking ahead to being a mother is a story all in itself. And honestly, all of it is daunting.

But it is also exciting! I actually have one guy that I get to daily find new things out about. I get to put all these years of practice to work. I get to be the woman that God uses to be Kyle's helpmeet, and the woman that gets to spend every day praying for him. I get to take care of him, and his clothes, and his meals, and all of those miniscule things that my little homemaker heart takes delight in.

It just changes my outlook in so many ways. When making a meal, I get excited about all of the meals that I will get to make for Kyle. When doing laundry, I smile as I fold my brother's jeans, as they are about exactly the same size as Kyle's jeans. When making a quick run to the bank, I wonder how much of that I will be doing in the years ahead. When playing with my little sisters, I imagine future children that look like the one I am holding, only with Kyle's brown eyes. *grin*

I just have to continuously stop what I am doing, and take a deep breath in order to swallow that lump in my throat that comes from realizing how much I am blessed. I strove so hard and not always successfully to seek after God's will for my life, and in return he gave me the deepest desire of my heart. Was there pain in the getting there? Yes. Did I arrive at that point with my heart completely intact and with no scratches or dents? No. But did God give me a new heart that I can finally place in the hands of the right man? Yes!

My father once wrote to me "To watch boys come in and go from your life, and to see the spark of hope and wonder ignite in you, only to get crushed as they go different directions...that hurts. I wish I could just seal you up in a tower until a prince charming comes along and I could tell him, 'Have I got the girl for you! She's smart, pretty, funny, caring, wise, lovely of character, devoted to God, and quite shapely to boot! C'mon pal, you gotta meet her!' Then somehow I could spare you of a silly world that teases your heart strings so." 

Who would have known that God would grant that desire for my father? In handing my will over to Dad in the finding of my husband, I was in a tower of my own. And my Dad sought out my prince charming, and upon finding him put him through many challenges and up to many tests. He then did something(still not sure what my father said of me) that caused my prince charming to seek after me, And it was amazing! And my heart strings are intact. And I have the most amazing father, and a very incredible Prince Charming.

Wish you all could meet my Prince. He is pretty marvelous. But for now you will have to be content to hear about him. *wink*

So I guess that is my journal post for the day.... God does incredible things, and my life has completely changed because of it. I can use prayer in that it is daunting, but you can also praise with me as God has so incredibly blessed me!

*Read about my relationship with Kyle in my post Exceedingly and Abundantly More.